What's That You Say?

“Don't think about it; just notice it. No matter what the voice is saying, it's all the same. It doesn't matter if it's saying nice things or mean things, worldly things or spiritual things. It doesn't matter because it's still just a voice talking inside your head.” -Michael Singer

We all have this pretty endless stream of inner prattle running through our minds. We are so used to it that sometimes we don’t even recognize it’s going. Until, that is, we try and settle into silence (for instance while attempting a meditation session). Then, oh my…. It’s right there, front and center.

Why is this a problem? you might wonder. After all, if we are all running these inner monologues then it’s perfectly fine and normal, right? Not so fast. Here are a couple of things to consider….

Do you loop through the same thoughts? Is this voice like the nastiest, worst, most demeaning “friend” you ever had? Is the voice holding you back from something? Do you believe most if not all of what it is saying?

If you can answer any of the above questions positively then it’s probably time to develop a different relationship with the voice.

The first step is, as with most anything, awareness. Because we are so used to this inner chatterbox, we tend to not even notice it unless it is really interfering with something we are trying to do (like, again, sitting in silence).

Try this. Set a reminder for yourself to stop whatever you are doing three times a day and ask yourself, what was the last series of thoughts that I just had? Then just see… what were you thinking? Take the time to do this over the course of a few days. You might notice that you have a running commentary on other people. Maybe your voice spends a lot of time criticizing you. Maybe your voice is very busy telling you what to do and when. Who knows? Only you.

Once you have gotten a good idea of what the voice is on about, you can begin to work with it. Now we move from awareness to response.

The first question to ask yourself is whether or not you really want to develop a different relationship with the voice. Please note that I am not suggesting that you will be turning it off, you can’t.  But you can have a more circumspect relationship with it; one in which you are able to notice it, see that it is operating, even thank it for whatever it is trying to accomplish (keep you safe? Keep you on task?)

If you do want to release yourself from the loops and patterns, start by moving from your random timed moments of noticing to as much of an ongoing openness to the voice and its narrative. Now, see if you can identify some themes or tracks that it runs.

Here is where  the fun starts. Talk back! Not literally, of course, we don’t want to be muttering to ourselves all day. Allow the voice to come in. And then thank it for its presence and for its generally well-meaning and protective role (though not always.)

Here is a personal example. Used to be that when I did something “stupid” I’d say “you dumbass” – a phrase I hear  a lot as a child. Once I actually took the time to notice that the self-talk when I made a perceived mistake was so demeaning and angry, I was able to recognize that that was not actually not at all how I wanted to speak to myself. I actively learned the art of compassionate talk, speaking to myself just as I would a dear friend. I allowed my inner voice to soften; I taught it new words and approaches.

The process I went through was to first take note of what I was saying and then to listen long enough so that I could notice a theme or pattern. From there, I was able to see that self-compassion was the right move. For you it might be a dose of bravery. Or some soothing. Or questioning. If you are used to using your inner voice to tackle problems, for example. Perhaps you could stop it and ask it “what else is possible? “

It's all about the initial, curious awareness response. Listening to your voice without judgement and with an openness and then paying attention to just how you are being served and whether there might be another way.

Spoiler alert. There usually is.

Why Your Orientation Can Save Your Life

You don't have to learn your destiny -- you already know it -Martha Beck

Recently, a headline caught my eye: 100,000 Live Salmon Spilled Off a Truck. Most Landed in a Creek and Lived. I do love a good news story. Also, a quirky one. But there was something about the article that stuck with me. I kept on coming back to it. Why was I so compelled? To be honest, it really didn’t come to me until this morning as I was journaling about how to help clients tune into what matters to them. In my work, I focus on 4 elements of awakening and purpose: Attunement, Orientation, Alignment and Execution.

The salmon story is all about Orientation. Like the great flocks migrating north and the whales circumnavigating our oceans, the salmon move with an instinctual flow from fresh water to the ocean and home again. On this day in early spring in Oregon, tens of thousands of salmon were unceremoniously and accidentally dumped on a rocky embankment after the truck they were being transported in skidded and rolled off the road. More than 70,000 of them flopped their way to the river. It’s pretty incredible when you think of it. They were literally fish out of water. And yet, they kept to their orientation and moved toward it.

That idea of orientation, of purpose is natural to us as well. Unfortunately, we let “reality” or “authority” figures get in the way or talk us out of dreams. But having a dream and figuring out how to make it fit or work with your life is not impossible. Not living into it and with it is living smaller than you need to.

I had a discussion with a client about this the other day and asked her point blank: “are you worried that if you do identify your orientation (i.e., your north star) that you will blow up your life?” She got quiet and then nodded. She is still hearing the voice of the authority figure from way back when who told her to behave, to take care of things. You probably have similar voices in your head.  The voices that caution you; that told you not to take a chance in the first place.

But it is possible to align yourself to a central purpose. And it matters. Research shows that people who have identified a purpose in life tend to live longer and experience less stress. I know, for myself, that in times of confusion or even when a new opportunity arises, I am able to go back to my core purpose and check in – is this aligned? Does this help me achieve my mission?

Those salmon. They flopped and gasped. I cannot imagine the chaos. And every cell of their being was pulled to the clear water; to the place that would take them home to the sea. That impulse is within you as well.

Reach out to me if you want to take the next beautiful step (or flop) towards your orientation.

Let The Light In

By Eliza Wing

These are darker days, there’s no denying it. From a seasonal perspective, of course, the days are shorter and here in the Midwest they are grayer. It is more than that though.  According to some estimates, there are 32 conflicts going on right now – including the Ukraine/Russian War, The Israeli-Hamas War and then all manner of terrorism, insurgency, civil, drug, ethnic wars. The toll is terrible. Here in the US, we continue to suffer the effects of polarization. Oh, and climate change is continuing to wreak havoc.

 How do we, who wish for peace to prevail find a way to live with whole-hearted love and engagement? How do we live in the face of what feels like the potential doom of our planet?

 There is no one answer. The conflicts and crises are too widespread. And it is normal for us to react to our sense of overwhelm with the typical human responses – fear/flight-fright. It is what we have done for eons due to tigers and bears and what not. Well, all of this is one big bear, and he is in the house, rummaging for your food.

 The great climate activist, Christiana Figueres who is responsible for bringing about the Paris Accords spoke recently with Krista Tippett on On Being. I urge you to listen to the whole of it. At one point she said that the global crisis is one that is recreating us; returning us to our understanding and connection with nature. As Tippett points out, we began in the wilderness and then, at some point, many of us decided that it was a good idea to divorce ourselves from nature. To terrible consequence.

 “We have to change our mindset to a mindset of hope.”

        Christiana Figueres

 To fight against the depression and disconnection that can arise when we go deeply into this territory, we can engage in simple, enlivening practices:

         Sit in Nature

 If you have access, get out in nature and absorb it and our connection to it. Allow the natural world to move you. You might select a special spot that you return to daily and notice it’s changes, how it moves you and how you, in return are connected. This practice is called Sit Spot Nature. It is recommended that you sit silently for at least 20 minutes to allow the wildlife to get used to your presence. Sit and see what comes to you.

 Practice Centering

 Centering practice is also a huge help, connecting you energetically to the energy of the earth and the universe – your body a channel that both receives and transmits energy. You can listen to my recording of a Centering Practice here. If we cannot learn to operate from a grounded, centered place, we will allow the sense of overwhelm to take over once again and we will shut down.

 A Healing Light Meditation

 Finally, you can lay down in a restful pose and practice this Healing Light meditation. The deepest truths of our existence are that we are held in love, that compassion is the connector and that we can generate feelings of well-being and light that can help carry us through even the most difficult times.

 All these practices are replenishing and healing. While they might seem self-indulgent (who has time to lie down and visualize light when the world is burning?), it is deeply important that you cultivate healing and soothing practices so that you have the capacity to hold more.

 After all, it is simply not possible for you to live an open-hearted and loving life without choosing to engage in a positive, motivated and energizing way. Let the light in. Let the light heal you and cleanse you of dystopian thoughts. What we imagine, we become. Where we place our energy is where it goes. In other words, if you think all is lost. It is.

Your Heroic Journey

By Eliza Wing

Our minds make up stories. They don’t tell us the TRUTH, they create narratives around what we perceive, what we wish was true, what we think others are doing/saying/thinking. The brain is like a fevered novelist, pumping out adventure after adventure with you, the hero(ine) as the central character.

 Depending on our experiences and the way that we have shaped our related memories, this very productive novelist (she’d be a best-selling author with a tremendous backlist) will happily weave tales about you as the beleaguered and battered character whom no one understands. Or perhaps you are the courageous hero ready to take on all enemies who emerges wounded but victorious (I’m not dead yet!). Maybe you are the romantic lead who simply can’t find THE ONE. You get the drift….

 Depending on where you are in your story, you might think of yourself embroiled in a tragedy (my spouse has died and I am alone) or a redemption story: My spouse died and I was very lonely but then I moved to Europe and bought an old villa which I redid and turned into a successful retreat center (that was a fun! And no I don’t wish my spouse would kick the bucket).

 Here’s the thing, understanding that we are all creating narratives helps us to understand that others are doing the same and they likely have a quite different story that they are running. Simply by recognizing that there are a gazillion narrative arcs running all around you is freeing.

 And…. It’s very important to have a healthy sense of perspective in your own tale. You know when you are reading a book, and you get all swept up in the narrative? It’s as if you are in the pages, suffering and loving and generally carousing through pages. We don’t want that as we proceed in our own stories. Instead, we want to take a more objective stance (think of it as shifting the narrative voice from “I” to “she/he”). A little perspective is a good thing.

 Then, once you have accepted that you are building a narrative out of what are basically random life events and memories, it’s a good and fine thing to lean into it. To use the framework of story as a way of understanding your own path.  

 I was working with a client recently who is going through quite a rough patch. If they were in Princess Bride, they’d probably be in the Fire Swamp surrounded by lightning sand. Not a great place.

 The Hero’s Journey as told throughout time has a common structure centered on idea of being tested. In fact, without the test, there is no redemption or metamorphosis (the point of many of our myths).

 Invariably, the hero sets off on a quest, equipped with what they think will best help them on the journey – a sturdy steed, a goatskin filled with water, a warm cloak – you get the picture. They are on their way with the tools that they have and that have worked for them in the past.

 As my client and I talked through recent trials, we talked about lives as stories and that our narrative is shaped by the way we choose to tell it. This low point could be seen as the end with no redemption in sight. Or my client could see that they are, in fact, just at the point where they muster all their courage, take stock of their strengths and provisions and helpers and venture on.

 Something to consider: When you are being tested, what tools do you bring to bear? Who is there to help you along the way?

 Remember that often, at the darkest hour, the hero digs deep and emerges stronger and changed. Without the struggle, there is no redemption.

 If the hero had stayed back at the castle or the inn or the safe harbor, they’d never have discovered the beauty at the far end of their known world. It’s an oft told tale and in this case, it’s no story but a truth.

 Sometimes you must wade through a mess of terrible crap, or, you know, a Fire Swamp to find your truth.

 Saddle up.

Write On: How Journaling Can Change Your Life.

By Eliza Wing

I’ve been keeping a journal for most of my life. My little notebooks are full of the scribbles of my life. They have carried me through disappointment, despair, joy, love, anger. You name it – I’ve written it down. I’m a firm believer in the power of the practice. But I find that some of my clients are a little, shall we say, journal phobic.

 The most common objection to the suggestion that people pick up pen and notebook? –they don’t know what to write. I get it. I never have a plan when I begin my next entry. The writing unfolds, it emerges, it becomes as you become.  

 You can use your journal anyway you please. It’s yours! So, not knowing “what” to write is kind of a cop out. You might choose to do little more than observe the weather conditions and brief notations on what happened during your day as my Great Uncle did throughout his life, even when stationed in the South Pacific during WW2. I was going to write that I thought one ought to go beyond this style of record keeping. But, in fact, I bet that Great Uncle’s journal was an important touchstone for him during all that chaos, death and long stretches of unmitigated heat and boredom.

 But if you choose to go a little deeper, you can widen your experience of life, solve problems, uncover new approaches to what feel like intractable issues just by opening your journal and beginning.

 Here are three useful journal techniques you can use to gain inspiration:

 Shifting perspective, Big Sky Dreaming, Gratitude Practice

 Shifting Perspective. When you are stuck in a mind loop about a specific person, issue or situation, try this exercise. Write about it from an entirely different perspective. Take on another’s voice. This technique is particularly great if you are feeling a lack of self-confidence and are beating yourself up a lot. Write out a narrative of yourself from the perspective of another, supportive person. What successes would they highlight? What qualities would they point out and value? Write it and then read it back to yourself. Remember those things are also true about you and other people do see them.

 Big Sky Dreaming. Your journal is a private space. No one needs to know what you write in it. For that reason, it is a great place to write down private thoughts and dreams. Have you always wanted to live overseas for an extended period but know that saying anything aloud will create a panicked response from your partner or spouse? Just put it down on paper. And flesh it out. Make it as real as you possible can. Describe the morning walk to the local bakery, the setting sun over the calm blue sea, the tangle of foreign words slowly becoming intelligible. Giving strength and voice to your deepest desires will help guide you towards a life that is more connected and truer to what you really want.

 “In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself. The journal is a vehicle for my sense of selfhood. It represents me as emotionally and spiritually independent.“
— Susan Sontag

 Gratitude Practice. I’ve written about this before and it is a big part of what sustained me following a critical motorcycle accident. Expressing gratitude daily is one of the top measures of personal well-being according to research from the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology School. It’s simple and effective. Just identify three things you are grateful for (Three Blessings) and why. They can be big “the clear sky”, “my breath” or quotidian “my coffee mug” “my cozy blanket” or quirky. Doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is that you are noticing and appreciating what is lovely about your life. This expands your awareness of the world around you and, even in the most difficult times of your life, it offers solace and truth. You are alive. You are paying attention to this chaotic, beautiful existence.

 You will notice that throughout this post, I have used the words “pen” and “paper” and “notebook.” People ask if they can just do voice memos on their phones or if they can type out notes on a digital device. Not really. It’s just not the same. There is something important and generative about physically writing something down.

 “Fill the paper with the breathings of your heart.” Williams Wordsworth

 Happy scribbling……

Cultivating Fluidity in the Face of Adversity

By Eliza Wing

Bruce Lee, that master of power, concentration, stillness in one brief life famously said, “be like water, my friend”

As we continue to work with external and internal challenges, we would do well to remember this saying and to consider what it might mean for us. I believe that what Lee is pointing to is that in order to be truly strong and resilient in the face of difficulties, we need to embody fluidity.

Think of it, a boxer knows that to take a hit well, she must sink into the power of the punch, she must give a little to dull the blow. So, too, we will do better in the face of adversity if we don’t stand rigidly against it. After all, it does no good to rail against our pain and suffering. Doing so only increases both. Instead, can we look for our soft, tender inner core that allows for pain and sorrow, acknowledging that all beings suffer and that we are part of a greater whole? Can we see that in our tenderness we can find ways of accommodating, adjusting and, finally emerging into some new place?

If tears come (your own water source), let them come. If your heart hurts, let it be so. As you allow for these feelings in the face of suffering, you may find a new truth, a new understanding. Breathe. Allow. Open. Follow your mind stream and see the tender strength that you embody.

When Your World Breaks Open

It is a bright sunny Saturday. My husband Dennis and I are off for a play day. We are in Tucson, riding our new motorcycle which he bought to keep me safe and comfortable. We are excited to be able to take this day to go to a local renowned taqueria, do some antiquing (well, he’s not excited about the antiquing but he is dear and patient and doesn’t mind my meanderings.) After antiquing, we will drive up beautiful Mt. Lemmon which presides over all of Tucson.

We come to a large intersection in the left hand turn lane and stop as the arrow turns red. In a motorcycle you never just try to “make” the light. My husband is a cautious, conservative driver. We stop and wait. Calm. I remember noting the street name. - Miracle Mile. And the seconds pass. One, two, three, four. And then the world breaks open. I am engulfed in a bright, white light.

I remember thinking, “everything has changed.” Then I find that I cannot breathe. My whole body is in spasm and there is a tightness like iron, like a lock. No breath. I say, “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.” I lean my head against my husband’s solid back and feel deep sorrow and shock. I lose consciousness.

We had been rear-ended by a pick up truck whose driver had simply plowed into us.

I was taken to the ER. I had (have) 2 broken thoracic vertebrae and “multiple” rib fractures. I was in the hospital for 4 days. As luck would have it (who am I kidding, as the Universe provided in her wisdom and compassion) we were minutes from Arizona’s #1 trauma hospital which is also a teaching hospital. If I had had to have surgery this was the place to be. Luckily, I do not and will be in a full body brace for 12 weeks.

I do not tell you this story for sympathy but for context.

In our work, we counsel many students and clients on ways to live a more peaceful, fulfilled life. One that is driven by a core purpose and undergirded by self-compassion and love.

We use the tools that we share ourselves and they have transformed our lives. In this case, they are saving mine. Not, literally, of course — I will heal. But they are keeping my heart open, my mind (mostly) calm, not overwhelmed.

After the accident I have found that I am at least 50% more direct in my communication - that can happen when your life literally flashed before you. There’s not time to mess around folks. Not for me. Not for you.

I feel deep compassion for those who say that they are too busy or who believe that they “can’t” follow a meditative practice or learn tools that deepen their connection to their hearts. But it is CRITICAL that we develop these practices when we think we don’t need them. So that when our world falls apart (it will, my dear friends, someone you love will die, or fall gravely ill, or kill themselves, or be killed. Or you may be hit by a truck or so on and so forth). The question is not “if” but “when.”

So that (back to me) when you are lying on a gurney in the ER with people poking and prodding and making sure you can feel your toes (yes! so grateful, yes!) and you body is spasming in protection. You can turn to your breath. And you can follow its tether.

You can experience the web of love and light that holds, you, the threads spiraling out of your body as filaments connecting you to the people who love you and who are holding you (me).

You can practice gratitude as soon as you become conscious. “I am safe. I am alive.” You can find the beauty in the ray of sun hitting the back of the pleather chair in the hospital room.

My practice is my life. BUT there is absolutely nothing mysterious or even difficult about these practices. All you need is knowledge, guidance and loving support as you learn and try and develop.

Linda and I are here (thank the Universe) and we are ready to help you go deeper, further and into a more unshakeable, aware space.

With all my love and gratitude to you,

Eliza.

We invite you to explore our resources on gratitude:

Fostering More Joy

A friend bemoaned that she was struggling to find joy. Her life felt like a series of must-dos and reactions to the needs of others. She longed for the simple feeling of a good belly laugh (this friend has an amazing, infectious laugh) or for the float of a beautiful dance move, the body meeting music in the most natural, open way.

Listening to her, it occurred to me that when I read through or fill out one of those questionnaires that gives you a snapshot of your current life, the sense of play or joy is also my most undeveloped aspect. This is not to say that I would define myself as unhappy - not at all. But, I do miss that sense of spontaneity and fun. It definitely feels as if it recedes with age. When we begin our coaching engagement with new clients, we ask them to take a look at different aspects of their lives, including a sense of fun and play. Quite often, this is the first thing to drop when we get busy — our jobs/family obligations take over and we don’t feel we can give ourselves permission to do the one thing that makes us truly alive. Our clients reflect this back to us as well. They wish for the connection that joy brings.

Children (if they are well-adjusted and safe) express joy and wonder all the time. And its not just because everything is new to them. I danced in the summer rain happily when I was ten - certainly not the first time I experienced rain! Where did that spontaneity go?

Mind Games

So. What to do? First it’s very important to become aware of a) what you find pleasant and b) what you find unpleasant. This is basic mindfulness - following the observation that our mind categorizes all experience into pleasant/unpleasant and neutral. Test this out for yourself and you will see it’s true.

Then, as you begin to watch your reactions to daily activities, you may find that it is not the activity that is unpleasant or neutral, it is your mind and what is going on in your thoughts that actually creates a general sense of unpleasantness. For example, I usually enjoy cooking. I’m good at it, people appreciate my food and it can be a true joy to chop, stir, taste, smell, etc. But, even in the midst of an activity that, on the face of it, I would say I enjoy, I find my mind rushing ahead to the next thing that needs to be done. I’m not even present. And, in the course of not being present to anything but my mind stream of must-do/what’s next, I create a very unpleasant experience. To the point where I actually can find myself resenting and disliking cooking (because it’s taking me away from the next thing, which I will then probably engage in, thinking about what is next after that. Never living in the moment.) I have found that if I collect myself, take a breath and return to the activity at hand, I can experience pleasure right there. Ask yourself — is there a regular activity that I do (cooking/gardening/walking) that I have allowed to be “just one more thing” instead of really being present? Coming back again and again to the moment, to your awareness of the moment, even if it seems mundane, will bring you more happiness.

Try The Joy Workout

How about adding a fun little “joy workout” to your daily routine? This workout featured in The New York Times was developed by a psychotherapist and based on research around the physical movements that engender joy in the heart and mind. If you’ve read any of our work or taken any of our classes, you know that we encourage a tending to heart/mind/body/spirit and that we believe that all are entwined and need support/tending in order for us to live fully and freely (and joyfully!). My cousin, who is a Critical Care Pulmonologist did this joy workout every morning as she navigated her way through the horrors of the pandemic. She meditated too. She was busy saving her life — not just her patients’s lives. She credits both practices with getting her through. So try this and see if it doesn’t lift your heart.

Gratitude Practice

Finally — get real about gratitude. As we’ve said before, gratitude and engendering it is one of the key ways of building a sense of well-being. To find joy, we really need a solid ground of well-being - otherwise, we may seek “joy” through unwholesome/unhealthy moves. Take the time, every day (morning or evening) to write down 3 things you are grateful for and why. Notice the beautiful change this makes in just a few days. It really works.

It’s The Little Things

Ok, a couple more things (sorry!) - look for the little things. Try singing out loud in the car - turn that music up really loud! Listen to comedy. If you once played an instrument, pick it back up. If you didn’t, crank up the music and play some air guitar! Got get some bubbles from the store and blow bubbles just to do it. Use your imagination!

Joy can be practiced and tended. And it’s not a sign that your life is boring or terrible that you need to do a little work to find joy. It only means that sometimes we need to work for something that makes your heart sing. I think of the poet Mary Oliver who went out every day with a pad and a pencil, actively seeking the wonder of the world. She knew the importance of capturing the exquisite moments. You can do this too! Take a breath, take small actions. Open up. Let yourself go.

Rethinking Rootedness: What Does Security Really Mean?

We begin our Chakra Series with an exploration of the Root Chakra, the lowest of the 7 energy centers that map from the base of the spine to the crown of the head.

For those of you who are familiar with the Chakra system and who have done plenty of work them, perhaps it feels as if there’s not much left to learn. But approach the system with real Beginner’s Mind and you might find some interesting revelations.

I tend to think of rootedness (doh!) when I explore the Root Chakra. It is our center of safety and security. If we feel balanced in this chakra, we feel safe and secure. If this chakra is out of whack, we can experience deep insecurity, grasping, fear and more.

So, when I meditate on the Root and security, I tend to feel a sort of internal folding inward (kind of like a mental pill bug). But what if the turning towards the Root and working with it was entirely different? What if it was expansive and limitless? What would that mean in relation to our sense of okayness?

Recently, I began to explore Philip Shepherd’s work -- his Embodied Present Process is based on embodiment that emanates from the pelvic floor. Now, this may sound a little odd to us – it’s fair to say that the lower body and deep awareness of its energy centers is not part of the general conversation. But it ought to be!

If we don’t learn how to drop below our head and move away from the concept that it is our brain that is directing everything, we will never fully engage with the deepest faculties of our minds and bodies. We will try to think our way through, believing that our thoughts (ie, our perceptions) are the TRUTH. Come to think of it, this is the way many of us operate and it is safe to say that it has gotten us (all) into a bit of divisive trouble – no matter what our politics.

Shepherd has extensive instruction available on his site. But you can begin to work with the root chakra in this way by following these basic instructions.

First, get a sense of where in the body the root actually is. To do this, you can take a yoga blanket and fold it into a square or rectangle. Then take one corner of the blanket and rotate it so that the point is facing between your legs, right at the perineum. Sit on this corner. This gives you an immediate and active sense of the root. Practicing the pelvic floor breathing with the blanket positioned this way will help you experience the opening and contraction of the root.

Begin by breathing normally. In and out. Now, place your attention on your perineal area. Can you notice how, on the out-breath, the pelvic floor contracts just a little? Just breathe in and out for a few minutes and see if you can’t establish this awareness. Even if it is very subtle.

Now, as you draw your next in-breath, can you source it from this center? And as you do that, can you intentionally create a sense of opening in the root chakra? With this opening, invite the in-breath to move up through the rest of the body. Think of your torso as a pitcher and the breath filling the pitcher all the way from the base (root) upward. The breath should be quiet and soft. Do you feel how this opening and invitation from the root allows for a sense of spaciousness and peace? The spaciousness opens us up to the changeable nature of existence as opposed to shutting down, which is actually not going to help you feel safer and more secure in the end.

 Here is the inimitable Alan Watts on the subject from his book: The Wisdom of Insecurity:

“There is a contradiction in wanting to be perfectly secure in a universe whose very nature is momentariness and fluidity. But the contradiction lies a little deeper than the mere conflict between the desire for security and the fact of change. If I want to be secure, that is, protected from the flux of life, I am wanting to be separate from life. Yet it is this very sense of separateness which makes me feel insecure. To be secure means to isolate and fortify the “I”, but it is just the feeling of being an isolated “I” which makes me feel lonely and afraid. In other words, the more security I can get, the more I shall want.

To put it still more plainly: the desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same thing. To hold your breath is to lose your breath. A society based on the quest for security is nothing but a breath-retention contest In which everyone is as taut as a drum and as purple as a beet.”

Practice this pelvic floor breath at least once a day, perhaps before your daily meditation. See how the sense of space feels safe. We can open AND feel secure at the same time. For extra bonus points, give this breathing exercise a try when you engage with someone else. Note how it changes the energy of the encounter.

Finding More Peace During the Holidays

As we navigate our way through the holidays, when most everything feels crunched and laden with expectation and tradition (whether we choose to follow the traditions or not – they are there), what is the one quality that we can actively choose to manifest in ourselves that will provide a calm and joyful foundation? Love.

 Not romantic love, not love that attaches itself to any experience or thing, not love that expects anything in return. This love is open-hearted, vast, without end. In our deepest mystical experiences, when we drop below the mechanics of sitting, the action of attending to the breath, the experience of time and the physical body, we find the spaciousness of love and compassion at the base of all that is.

 But we don’t need to sit for hours or go on a silent retreat to find and experience this beautiful quality. As with most of the buddha’s teachings, there is a system to be deployed that will allow us to more access loving qualities. These teachings, also called the brahmaviharas cover loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy (feeling love and joy in another’s good fortune), equanimity (or peace).  Loving Kindness Meditation is the first practice that we learn in order to activate the feeling of love for oneself and all beings everywhere.

 Interestingly, though it is not mentioned as one of the four brahmaviharas, we have found that gratitude provides a beautiful entry into these qualities. Gratitude, expressed and practiced specifically and daily opens the heart, strips away attachment and aversion. In gratitude, we simply notice and rest in the beauty of the here and now. What could be more seasonal than that? Make it a daily practice to write what you are grateful for (and why) and notice how it opens your heart. We recently released this Gratitude Meditation — enjoy!

 If this all feels smushy and mushy and not relevant to your difficult circumstances and your difficult relatives, know that in some Tibetan traditions, the practice of deepening to love is known as spiritual warriorship. It is not weak to face difficult people or situations with love, it takes great strength. Strength you can find and build through practice.

Let Go, Let Love

by Eliza Wing

So much about mindfulness and living a freer, less whipsawed life is about finding more space. The space of awareness, where we can notice what is happening in the moment; the space of intentional response, where we can take more deliberative and loving action in the face of disturbance; the space we can give to ourselves when we are in pain or in need.

How can we make this space? We can try simply letting go. There are two major moves that humans make in response to life. On the one hand, we want more of what we perceive as pleasant and on the other, we want (sometimes a lot!) less of what we experience as unpleasant. There are various intensities to this. Your reaction can be a tiny, twinkle of a thought or your entire life can be organized around attraction or avoidance. Either way, when you begin to take note of your response to what is happening for you, you will notice that the mind buckets most experiences as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. And you will also notice that you are interacting with those experiences by engaging in them. What if, instead, of driving towards the pleasant and running from the unpleasant you let go of the impulse to react? What if you stayed there and noticed the play of emotions and sensations? This is the Letting Go of impulsivity and reaction. Letting go here is not (or ever) about pushing away and denying. That action creates even more pain and difficulty.

But what if you’ve tried awareness and making space for something that is really upsetting or something that feels intractable? What else can you do to help bring space and openness to the situation? One of the key places that we experience pain is in our relationships with others. We may have a family member who is challenging, who raises our hackles no matter how calm and still we hope to be. Or perhaps we are struggling with work relationships, or we find our friendships changing in ways that we find painful.

In these cases, one of the most exquisite and effective responses is to send the one who is engendering these difficult emotions some love. I have found this response to really disentangle the heart from its hurt and pain and, instead to open to the beautiful truth of life – that we all are interconnected and that we are all seeking love.

Rather than just randomly thinking nice thoughts though, I recite the metta phrases for the individual, really imprinting them into my heart. The effect is immediate and deeply powerful. Try this: next time you are caught up in a negative mind loop about someone, close your eyes, take a quiet calming breath with a longer exhale than inhale and then say some version of the following (inserting the person’s name)

May they be happy

May they feel safe and secure

May they healthy in body and mind

May they be at ease and at peace

Repeating these phrases with an open heart and with genuine goodwill is a beautiful letting go into our universal interconnection.

What If We Committed to Slowing Down?

The title of this blog post feels like heresy in today’s world. We were forced to slow down in the early days of the pandemic. For some of us, that was a tremendous relief; for others it led to depression and claustrophobia. Now, that we are back to “normal” many of us are returning to our previous habits where life is crammed with as much as we can fit into it.

Clearly, there are things to get done; people to tend, dishes to wash, work to perform. So, that isn’t going away. But what if we could navigate through our lives with just a little more patience, just a little more grace?

Wouldn’t that make all that must be done that much more pleasant? Recently, in one of our Sanctuary Sunday classes on Key Atttitudes of Mindfulness, we explored Patience. More, specifically, we explored what it is that knocks us off our intention to be serenely patient with Whatever Comes.

If you examine your own mind and its reactions, you might find that a common cause of impatience is rushing.

When we rush, we immediately establish ourselves in conflict with the time we have. It’s that simple. We are trying to get through whatever we are doing NOW in order to get to whatever we think is NEXT. Only to find that the NEXT thing becomes the NOW that we have to rush through. Pretty soon, we are just careening through our days — impatient with whatever it is that is getting in our way.

And yet… those things that are “getting in your way?” they also happen to be your life.

What if we committed to not rushing? What if we agreed to take just one day, or even just one block of time and considered what it would be like to not hurry through? As soon as you take this attitude of non-rushing and really embrace it, you will notice very quickly that your body relaxes, your pulse may slow, your breath calm. All from a simple commitment.

This points to a bigger concept. That, quite often, when we make a determination to be/experience something differently (such as “I will be more patient”), we need to get at a root cause and work with that.

Try not rushing for a set time. See how it feels.

Then join us for Sanctuary Sunday where we work with many kinds of teachings and experiences to make your life calmer, more fulfilled.

The Life-changing practice of Gratitude

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” - Proverb

The promise of mindfulness is a fuller, more satisfying life – one where we can navigate life’s joys and sorrows with attention and a sense of peace. But, other than sitting on our meditation cushions as often as we can and practicing, what can we do off the cushion, during our “everyday” life?

 According to research done at the University of Pennsylvania, having a sense of gratitude is the number one personality trait associated with an overall sense of well-being. Not health. Not success. Not even being generally positive. Gratitude is the key.

 Think about it… practicing gratitude, finding moments/acts/people to feel grateful for requires directing your attention to the good as opposed to looking for problems and issues. We can even find things to be grateful for in the midst of sorrow and pain. This summer I was struck with Covid just as my grown sons came for a visit. I spent the entire time holed up in a small cabin, isolating. In the midst of that sorrow and sickness, I was still able to practice. I noticed the way the sun hit the trees outside my covid cabin, I identified birds, I read a whole series of novels.  Even as I experienced deep sadness about not being able to be with my children, I was able to remind myself and truly be with the fact that grief is love with nowhere to go – I am blessed to have such wonderful sons and I am so very grateful for how much I love them and how much they love me. Everything is fodder for gratitude.

 Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychologist who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning offers us all a powerful lesson in how we can work with our responses to life’s challenges. Frankl famously survived being imprisoned in a concentration camp during World War 2. As a psychologist, he was interested in what set apart those who survived in the camps versus those who did not. He said,

 “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”

At its essence, gratitude is about our relationship to the world.

 “But”, you say to yourself… “my life isn’t so great right now”. Or… “I am not generally ‘wired’ to notice the positive.” The good news?  You can strengthen your positive response with the following exercise.

 Bookending is one of the best ways to practice gratitude:  Every morning, I write down what Martin Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology calls Three Blessings. I jot down what is moving me just then.  Importantly, I also include why I am grateful. This second step has been really important to my development and my ability to lean into what I know to be necessary for me and my life at this time. Before going to bed, I take the time to think about (and sometimes write down) what happened during the day that makes me grateful. I bookend my day with gratitude.

Each time, I feel a literal lightening of my heart and an opening to the beauty in my life.

 Interestingly, the practice doesn’t stay on the page or even during those specific times that I am actively writing down my blessings. I find that I notice more and more to be grateful for throughout my days as my practice deepens. And this makes sense. After all, when we do something that creates a feeling of well-being, we are (neurologically speaking) providing our brains with a little hit of dopamine, that neurotransmitter that is responsible in part for creating an overall sense of happiness. Increasing your dopamine levels has all sorts of positive impacts – it strengthens memory, attention, learning, health and more. And, as humans, we are generally attracted to things that give us pleasure.  If gratitude is one of the clearest ways to instill well-being, we can be sure that it is a very effective way to increase dopamine.

 To help you experience deep gratitude and learn practices to foster even more gratitude, we are introducing a new workshop: Gratitude: learn to fall in love with your life, November 19th from 12-4 pm.

 In this workshop, we will work with active, guided meditations, movement, journaling and creating to explore our own sense of gratitude. We will make our own My Three Blessings journals with personalized covers, prompts and other goodness so that you will walk away with a beautiful journal for your own gratitude practice (or if you feel moved, it can be a lovely gift to someone in your life!).

Simplify Your Life: Awaken to your True Nature

The thought of feeling calmer, more settled, more aware of your innermost desires sounds so compelling, doesn’t it? But it can be hard to hear our heart’s calling over the noise and bustle of our lives. We know that being happy doesn’t come from having more stuff or even more things to do. And yet…. we accumulate things, we say yes to events and create obligations that we regret (best piece of advice on this latter? Don’t say yes to anything you wouldn’t want to do tomorrow). Pretty soon, our days are full of chores and interactions that don’t necessarily bring fulfilment.

The only way to cut through the clutter? Take a good hard look at your days and your obligations. You can even print out a blank calendar and write everything you “have” to do on it. Then, take a nice black pen and cross through everything you can. Try it. Very satisfying!

But, you say, I’m in the midst of moving, caring for kids, packing for a vacation. Whatever the event is, the train has left the station and you are running along the platform with a suitcase careening on its wheels. Your heart pounding. Maybe you can’t stop the “thing” whatever that is. If that is true for you, try taking a look at other elements that are “cluttering” your mind.

For example, do you turn on the TV on as soon as you get up? Where’s the room for your mind to open into the silence? When you get in the car do you immediately place a call or turn on music? When you finally, finally sit down do you automatically pick up your phone and begin scrolling? Take a good look at all of your habits and see where you might simplify and open space for your mind and heart.

What then? Pay attention to the light on the leaves, the sounds of birds or cars passing, your heartbeat, your chest rising and falling with your breath. Notice the absolute miracle of this moment.  We actually only have this one precious life and, guess what? It’s happening right now. Not tomorrow. This is it.

As Tara Brach points out: “the only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.” No matter how strong your practice is, to live like this is a real challenge. But the truth is, that is the only way to live. There is no moment like this one. Or this one.

And the very best way to be right here, right now is to begin to pare away the unnecessary “stuff” that is keeping you from your reality. Once you have that clarity, then you can begin the miraculous (but totally achievable!) opening that is a mindful life.

Learn to work with (Im)Patience

What was the last thing that made you impatient? Waiting for the coffee to brew? The dog to finish her business? Your child to fall asleep? We want things to happen in our own time, not theirs. And when we embark on a project of any complexity, we know, we know that more than likely it will take longer than expected, that there will be bumps in the road. But we ride on the slight euphoria of expectation and let that carry us through the beginnings. And then we hit a wall and everything seems to be taking much longer than we want.

It’s like that with most any long-term project, even and maybe especially the ones that are meant to soothe our souls. No matter where you are on your contemplative path, you are going to hit a wall or find that you want more results sooner. It’s safe to say that most things we learn are not immediately rewarding. There’s a lot of trial and error; hours of practice. Quite often there are set backs. It’s like that with meditation. Most of us begin with some sort of goal in mind -- calm the heck down; lower blood pressure; sleep better; gain more perspective – meditation helps with all that and more. But it’s not like that in the beginning. Not at all. Most of us quickly find out that there is nothing quiet about sitting down and watching the breath (the general, basic instruction). In fact, it may take us quite a long time to get to a place of peace and tranquility in our meditation practice.

They don’t call it a practice for nothing.  Patience (unfortunately for the majority of us who like a quick result) is one of the foundations of mindfulness. We must learn to gently return again and again to the object of our meditation. Struggling against the experience that is unfolding only makes it more difficult to settle.

If you make a plan to sit every morning for 10-20-30 minutes and don’t see immediate benefits there’s nothing to do but sit some more. And some more. Even more.  Eventually, when you are patient you will see results. Imagine sitting on a quiet riverbank with the water flowing gently by. You can hear birds calling alarms at your presence. Human! they warn to anyone who might want to know. Stay still, breathe, be by the river. Soon, the bird calls change. The sounds become more distinct. You can hear the whisper of the leaves, the run of the water. Be quieter still. Be patient. Perhaps a deer emerges.

It’s really like that. You rest in open quiet and eventually the mind stills. A-ha! There it is, you think. And just as you turn towards it (like that shy deer) it scatters and there you are, right back where you started. But that’s okay. You caught a glimpse, didn’t you?

The lags and frustrations will reemerge of course. There’s nothing more irritating than being quite sure that at least ten minutes have passed since you last peaked at the clock only to find that it has been a mere two minutes. Or that you just planned an entire presentation in your head for tomorrow’s meeting. But it is all part of the process. There’s no point in becoming impatient with yourself on top of it. In fact, turn towards your impatience and you will begin to notice its qualities. You may begin to see the experience change and dissolve. Working this way on the cushion will give you room to work with your own impatience in your daily life. You can feel the same bodily sensations arise as you contemplate the slowness of the coffeemaker or the recalcitrance of your cranky, overtired child and you can rest in that awareness, let it soften and change and move on. That is the promise of mindfulness and meditation; understanding your day to day experience with more clarity and giving room for healthier responses to emerge.

Just commit to the sit. And see what happens. Someday (who knows which day?) you will find yourself settled in silence, experiencing deep stillness that is more spacious than you ever imagined. Promise.

Summer is Fleeting. Maybe that's not a bad thing

Remember how summer stretched ahead of you back in the day? School let out and it felt as if there was endless time for doing….whatever. My summers were blessed. We’d load up the car the day after school let out and head up to Maine. There was sailing for weeks on end up and down the coast. Loading up on armfuls (really) of books at the local library with its big lawn and serious white columns (and staffed by a gentle, humorous librarian with little grey braids that wrapped up over her head). Picking berries on the islands; the smell of wild roses wafting across the saltwater. Digging clams in the cold mud (to this day I will expound on the swiftness of the hunted clam). Diving into water so cold it gave you an ice cream headache. All this. Mostly what I remember is the time. Eight long glorious weeks of it.

(Many) years later, I am living with more free time in my day and with more freedom to choose my activities (again, I am blessed. I know this.) I can decide who I want to share my time with and I have the time to focus on interests and passions feed my soul. Writing, painting, learning, gardening. It’s beautiful. And it comes with sacrifice and is not always comfortable at all. There’s the little voice in my head (sometimes actually quite a bombastic voice) that insists I ought to be more productive/practical/proactive and is there a p-word for making more money? Still…it’s my choice and it is one I am making freely. I recommit to it often.

Recently, I heard an interview with time management expert Oliver Burkeman, about his new book: 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. To be honest, I don’t remember much about the interview because once he explained the title I got caught up in too much math. 4000 weeks adds up to just about 79 years, our average allotted time on this planet. I’m pretty sure he went on about the preciousness of each moment but I just couldn’t hear him over the clamor of my own mathematical calculations. I’m 62. That’s a lot of weeks lived and less to go. It is as simple as that. If I live another 20 years I have 1040 weeks left.

I don’t know about you but that feels pretty puny. Suddenly summer (and everything) feels shorter and even more precious.

And yes, enjoy the moment, yes take time for gratitude, yes appreciate madly, deeply, passionately your loved ones and friends. All that. And. What about taking these next ephemeral weeks, let some things go and pick up others?

Or what about taking a moment to consider how you’d like your life to look in the near(ish) future and seeing what groundwork you might want to do right now? For example, one of our clients knows she wants to do some deep Envisioned Future work as she makes a big transition. She starts this work in the fall -- and meanwhile? She is setting up a contemplative, private space in her house where she will be able to meditate, journal, read and just be without interruption. She’s making space (physically/mentally/emotionally) for her heart and her spirit to grow and shift.

As for letting things go and taking on others. Do this…. Print out a blank weekly calendar. But don’t write down a series of to-dos. Instead, turn the paper over to the blank side and write out what you really want to do. What you know makes your heart sing and maybe some things that you have let drift by the wayside. Take your time.

Then, when you feel that you have everything captured, circle five near term, concrete things you could do this week and next. NOW turn the paper over and look at all that blank space! Put your five things in a specific day. If one of them is to journal more, put that in for each day. Be clear as you can about day/time/frequency. NOW you can add grocery shopping, laundry and floor mopping. It’s time to recognize what matters before time runs away from you.

 If you are interested in thinking through your own Beautiful Future, reach out to us. Let’s make a plan together!

Oursoulpurpose2020@gmail.com

You can read more about our various coaching services here.

Here Comes the Judge....

By Eliza Wing

Remember that old comedy sketch “here comes the judge, here comes the judge”? NO??? Well it was 1968. Definitely dating myself here. According the internet, it was one of the first comedy memes. In any case, it’s just a light-heart way to acknowledge that most of us are judging all the time. We are either judging ourselves or others. Or an experience. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, one of the earliest western, secular methodologies for mindfulness training defined mindfulness as:

Awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally.

Non-judgement is so important to the concept of mindfulness that it is in the very definition. Why? Think about it. The minute we begin to label (judge) our experience, we are distancing ourselves from it, turning it into a story about ourselves and our relationship to the experience rather than being IN the experience.

You can try this little exercise… next time you sit in meditation and an uncomfortable body sensation comes up, rather than shifting to make yourself more comfortable, try to allow the sensation to arise. And then note how it is if you begin to judge it. I don’t like this. This hurts, tickles, itches, etc. Can you see how the act of judging actually exacerbates the unpleasant experience? Now, try to stay with the sensation as pure sensation — feel how it is just right now in your body. You can say things like “pressure” “heat”, etc. You will notice an emotional lessening, a sense of fluidity and change. You can apply this simple exercise to almost any aspect of your life.

But you say — we need to judge things! We have to be able to see things and make decisions accordingly. Yes, of course. But here is where the difference between judgement and discernment comes in. Discernment is a knowing that is not layered with narratives that cloud the mind. Case in point…. I am going to the store to buy apples. I know I want organic apples and I hope to find some on sale. I get to the apple section (because, yes, there are many apples in my lucky, lovely supermarket and I am grateful for the variety) and am reaching for the apples that I see are the ones I want when a woman clatters over with too many arm bracelets (judgement!) and begins to load her cart with more than a dozen shiny very expensive apples. My mind begins with her bracelets and very quickly judges her for not choosing organics, for having a cart loaded with flowers and expensive meats and more. I begin to worry about my own finances. I feel separate from her and angry. It takes only a moment to get to this place if you are not aware of your mindstream.

It is only human to judge and categorize. As always, the key is to be aware of your relation to the world and beings around you. See if you can’t pull back just a bit and hold life more lightly — live with less fear and separation.

The Most Important Conversation of Your LIfe

Most of us tend to consider our brains as the great conductor of this symphony we call our life. Yet science reveals that there is much more at play. Our vagus nerve, which wanders its way through much of our body and impacts our mood, digestion, breathing, heartrate and immune response is clearly an important player. And our hearts? Once thought to be simple mechanical organs responsible for pumping blood? Turns out that they produce tons of neurotransmitters once thought to be the exclusive domain of the brain.

So, while we are thinking our way through a problem, ignoring the fact that our heart may have something to say on the matter, we are, in fact, only listening to one instrument in the whole orchestra.

Buddhist philosophy suggests that there are two keys to living life fully – wisdom and compassion. It’s easy to comprehend that compassion has a place in the heart – after all, the idea of compassion evokes emotion. Emotion is the province of the heart. Yes, and… as the improv theater types like to say – the heart also offers wisdom if we would only learn how to listen and even enter into conversation with the heart.  

I would argue that we ought to listen to the heart even more than the head. What is the head usually saying? “You should” “that’s not right” “if only” “I wish.” When we are in the throes of a difficult decision what does the head do? Often, it engages in list-making, columns of pros and cons, it spits back imposed expectations and years of absorbed norms.

The heart? It’s a great well of unexamined intelligence – one we can and should turn to for inspiration and transformation.   John O’Donohue the late, great Celtic philosopher poet says it this way:

“Because the heart dwells in unattended dark, we often forget its sublime sensitivity to everything that is happening to us. Without our ever noticing, the heart absorbs the joy of things and also their pain and care. Within us, therefore, a burdening can accrue. For this reason, it is wise now and again to tune in to your heart and listen for what it carries.”

What covers over the heart’s true expression? Fear. Shame. Guilt. Where do these thoughts emanate from? You guessed it. The head.

In order to move past these limiting and destructive thoughts, we must enter into the realm of the heart.

Perhaps fear comes up when you consider following our heart’s “desire”. After all, we have been trained since childhood that wanting and acting on our desires is not okay. We must constrain, control, modulate.

Really? Maybe not.

You will never know until you learn how to converse with your heart. You can do this throughout your day. Begin by letting go of thoughts. Physically drop your awareness from your head to your heart. Rest here. Feel the physical sensations in the chest. Allow the sensations to just be. Don’t try to interpret. Usually at this stage, any level of interpretation is taking you right back up into your head.

Now, let’s move from the pure physical sensations into a spacious awareness. Staying with the sense of the heart space, move your awareness to the back of the heart. This is not a physical location – it’s not the spine, the shoulder blades. It is indefinable and may feel empty, unknown, even dark. That’s ok. Just allow your awareness to acknowledge this unexplored space.

It is in this space that you will enter into dialogue with your heart. As with most everything, it helps to start small and easy. So, you can begin by asking small questions like how does it feel to miss a friend? Go to work? If, as you listen for the response, you begin to notice responses like “I should really catch up with her” or “my boss will definitely notice my good work on this project” you are in the head where “I should” and “it will” live. The heart is all present tense. It may be reacting to your thoughts but as you let go of everything but the here and now, as you let it all drop away, you will note the clarity of the heart. Perhaps as you open to the question of being with your friend your heart will resonate with openness and freedom as you think of your friend. Perhaps the heart will constrict and tighten as you think of your boss.

These reactions are all simply to note as you begin to get used to listening to the language of the heart.

You can try this throughout your day; dropping through the mind’s restless stream into the deep pool of the heart.

As you become more attuned to your heart you can ask larger questions and directly address the heart.

Heart-based Inquiry Practice:

 Sit quietly in a place you will not be disturbed for the next while and come to a seated position. Bring your awareness to your breath. Rest here for a minute or so, scanning the body for places of tension and tightness. On an exhale, release those areas of tightness just a little, bringing more ease and spaciousness to the entire body.

Now, bring your awareness to your heart space and allow your mind to unhook from any thoughts. If thinking arises, just note “thinking” and come back to the heart.

Now ask your question. This question may arise spontaneously, or you may have pre-formulated it. Either way, allow the question to exist in the space at the back of the heart and listen. Stay in the open, spacious boundless heart. Receive.

You may “hear” a clear response right away. You may not. That’s okay. It takes practice to release from the discursive mind.

You can practice Heart Based Inquiry regularly. The most important conversation of your life is about to begin.

Yoga Nidra 101

“Through the practice of Yoga Nidra, we are not only relaxing, but restructuring and reforming our whole personality from within.”

Swami Satyananda Saraswati

Introduction to Yoga Nidra

by Eliza Wing

You may have heard the term Yoga Nidra, maybe even heard friends or acquaintances rave about how amazing the experience is; how they’ve never felt more relaxed in their lives. It sounds great! But is it just another guided meditation? The answer is sure  -- but actually -- no, not at all.

Read on and get a full understanding of Yoga Nidra so that when you do (and you are going to, right?) practice it, you will get the full and lasting benefits of this ancient and healing practice.

What is Yoga Nidra?

Yoga Nidra means yogic sleep and is the term used for the state of consciousness between waking and sleeping. Most of us have a short experience of this state every night before we enter into sleep. But it is short-lived and we don’t stay in this state for long. In fact, we may not even notice it. During Yoga Nidra we not only experience deep relaxation and calm but also a general alertness which allows us to witness and experience visions and our deepest self.

The benefits of Yoga Nidra:

There is scientific evidence for the positive benefits of Yoga Nidra. Research studies show practitioners entering into very deep states of relaxation AND maintaining a level of alertness. This combination allows us to both journey into the recesses of our minds and to activate deep intentions as well as to tap into our unconscious in ways that are usually not available to us. Informally, many practitioners and teachers say that the practice helps reduce stress, anxiety, headaches and other types of pain. As with most yogic and meditative practices the best test subject is you (!). Try it and see for yourself.

The Key Elements of Yoga Nidra:

When we practice Yoga Nidra, we begin by setting a very deep intention called a Sankalpa (Sanskrit for resolve or resolution. For more, see What is a Sankalpa?) then we cycle our attention through various layers or sheaths.

Following the setting of our Sankalpa we begin to rotate the consciousness around body parts in a specific sequence. Then we move into an awareness of breath. Next, we move into our feelings and emotions. Finally, we enter into a visualization phase. We end by returning to our initial resolve or Sankalpa. The sequences are intentionally set in order to further our journey from the conscious to the subconscious and, finally, into the unconscious.

How do I practice Yoga Nidra?

There are some key elements that will make your Yoga Nidra practice a good experience.

1.     Set aside at least 45 minutes

2.     Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed

3.     Turn off/silence all digital devices

4.     Get comfortable. Yoga Nidra is generally practiced lying down so you will want to set yourself up in a comfortable, lying down position that you can hold without stress or strain. Some practitioners like to put a bolster or a pillow under their knees to alleviate any stress on the lower back. Others might put a towel or folded blanket under their necks to make sure there is no strain there. If the room is cool, cover yourself with a blanket. Basically? Make yourself a nice nest.

5.     As you listen to the instructor’s voice, don’t over concentrate. Allow the words to guide you but don’t worry if you lose track of the instructions. Just return gently to the voice.

6.     You may begin to drift into sleep. Try not to. You may even set an intention for yourself before you begin to remain aware and bring yourself out of sleepiness should you find yourself drifting off. But do not create more disturbance for yourself if you do fall asleep. It happens!

What is a Sankalpa?

A Sankalpa is a resolve or resolution.  You will be asked to come up with your resolve at the beginning of the practice.

When you develop a Sankalpa, consider something that is meaningful to you and then create a clear, concise statement.

            Following are some examples:

                        I will awaken my potential

                        I will be a force for love and compassion

                        I will be successful in everything that I undertake

                        I will be more aware

                        I will be healthy in body and in mind

Whatever you choose should be something that feels as if it will be meaningful for you in the long-term.

The beauty and promise of a Sankalpa is that you already have everything within you that you need in order to achieve it. If we want to create a life that is meaningful to us, we can return again and again (through our sankalpa) to our deepest intentions.

You can (and should) practice Yoga Nidra regularly and keep the same Sankalpa. Doing so, can effect long-term changes for you for the rest of your life.

Life is Suffering

By Eliza Wing

Don't blame us for that headline -- it's one of the Buddha's first teachings. Upon his awakening, the buddha taught that we could not ignore the inevitable -- aging, sickness, death - and that freedom is to be found in how we relate to our suffering. In fact, denying or fighting against our human nature and the disappointments in life only further our suffering. In our work, we meet many individuals who want a way to alleviate their stress and suffering. Truth is, there is no magic formula. There is, though, true freedom

We can hear it already.. “so you are telling me that life generally sucks and I have to be okay with that?” That’s not what we mean. Here’s the thing. Everything changes all the time. Sometimes we hit a nice, stable period. Say, for example, everyone we love is healthy and generally happy, we are financially stable and our work is satisfying. It only takes one phone call for that to get taken away. Someone gets sick. You lose a contract.

These are real difficulties. Frankly, they are small potatoes compared to people suffering violence, war, discrimination. Still, they are challenging and not to be shrugged off.

So, what does one do in the face of change and difficulty?

Again, it’s not just one thing ( an answer which can be disappointing to our clients and students). Our approach is holistic and encompasses all aspects of life. Our main perspective is that we need to learn how to be strong and healthy in the face of change. We need practices that provide resilience. When we work with people, we look at the Whole Self. We look at diet and it’s impact on mental health. We look at physical practices that relieve pain and engender calm. We offer guidance in meditation (which may seem like the most mindless part of all. How does sitting still every day and observing thoughts actually help? This may be our next book. :)) We teach practices that help moderate the systems we usually consider out of our control through breath work and energy work. We help clarify purpose because we know a life lived without purpose and clarity is dull and disappointing. Most of all, we know that every single person that we encounter has within them the makings of a whole and free human being.

There is no fatal flaw or, to borrow a term that has wreaked more havoc than we will ever truly know — there is no Original Sin. We were all born pure.

Developing these practices and the ensuing resilience feeds confidence and allows us the space and capacity to go even further - to develop compassion and love. That in turn sets us free. When we get past the “I wish” “I should” and rest in the real, true nature of our changing, frustrating human existence, we can rest in the understanding that, in the end, love is what connects everything.

And we can learn how to live in love, not separate from it. Which is freedom (and so amazing).

Come work with us. We’d love to help.