“Don't think about it; just notice it. No matter what the voice is saying, it's all the same. It doesn't matter if it's saying nice things or mean things, worldly things or spiritual things. It doesn't matter because it's still just a voice talking inside your head.” -Michael Singer
We all have this pretty endless stream of inner prattle running through our minds. We are so used to it that sometimes we don’t even recognize it’s going. Until, that is, we try and settle into silence (for instance while attempting a meditation session). Then, oh my…. It’s right there, front and center.
Why is this a problem? you might wonder. After all, if we are all running these inner monologues then it’s perfectly fine and normal, right? Not so fast. Here are a couple of things to consider….
Do you loop through the same thoughts? Is this voice like the nastiest, worst, most demeaning “friend” you ever had? Is the voice holding you back from something? Do you believe most if not all of what it is saying?
If you can answer any of the above questions positively then it’s probably time to develop a different relationship with the voice.
The first step is, as with most anything, awareness. Because we are so used to this inner chatterbox, we tend to not even notice it unless it is really interfering with something we are trying to do (like, again, sitting in silence).
Try this. Set a reminder for yourself to stop whatever you are doing three times a day and ask yourself, what was the last series of thoughts that I just had? Then just see… what were you thinking? Take the time to do this over the course of a few days. You might notice that you have a running commentary on other people. Maybe your voice spends a lot of time criticizing you. Maybe your voice is very busy telling you what to do and when. Who knows? Only you.
Once you have gotten a good idea of what the voice is on about, you can begin to work with it. Now we move from awareness to response.
The first question to ask yourself is whether or not you really want to develop a different relationship with the voice. Please note that I am not suggesting that you will be turning it off, you can’t. But you can have a more circumspect relationship with it; one in which you are able to notice it, see that it is operating, even thank it for whatever it is trying to accomplish (keep you safe? Keep you on task?)
If you do want to release yourself from the loops and patterns, start by moving from your random timed moments of noticing to as much of an ongoing openness to the voice and its narrative. Now, see if you can identify some themes or tracks that it runs.
Here is where the fun starts. Talk back! Not literally, of course, we don’t want to be muttering to ourselves all day. Allow the voice to come in. And then thank it for its presence and for its generally well-meaning and protective role (though not always.)
Here is a personal example. Used to be that when I did something “stupid” I’d say “you dumbass” – a phrase I hear a lot as a child. Once I actually took the time to notice that the self-talk when I made a perceived mistake was so demeaning and angry, I was able to recognize that that was not actually not at all how I wanted to speak to myself. I actively learned the art of compassionate talk, speaking to myself just as I would a dear friend. I allowed my inner voice to soften; I taught it new words and approaches.
The process I went through was to first take note of what I was saying and then to listen long enough so that I could notice a theme or pattern. From there, I was able to see that self-compassion was the right move. For you it might be a dose of bravery. Or some soothing. Or questioning. If you are used to using your inner voice to tackle problems, for example. Perhaps you could stop it and ask it “what else is possible? “
It's all about the initial, curious awareness response. Listening to your voice without judgement and with an openness and then paying attention to just how you are being served and whether there might be another way.
Spoiler alert. There usually is.