As we navigate our way through the holidays, when most everything feels crunched and laden with expectation and tradition (whether we choose to follow the traditions or not – they are there), what is the one quality that we can actively choose to manifest in ourselves that will provide a calm and joyful foundation? Love.
Not romantic love, not love that attaches itself to any experience or thing, not love that expects anything in return. This love is open-hearted, vast, without end. In our deepest mystical experiences, when we drop below the mechanics of sitting, the action of attending to the breath, the experience of time and the physical body, we find the spaciousness of love and compassion at the base of all that is.
But we don’t need to sit for hours or go on a silent retreat to find and experience this beautiful quality. As with most of the buddha’s teachings, there is a system to be deployed that will allow us to more access loving qualities. These teachings, also called the brahmaviharas cover loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy (feeling love and joy in another’s good fortune), equanimity (or peace). Loving Kindness Meditation is the first practice that we learn in order to activate the feeling of love for oneself and all beings everywhere.
Interestingly, though it is not mentioned as one of the four brahmaviharas, we have found that gratitude provides a beautiful entry into these qualities. Gratitude, expressed and practiced specifically and daily opens the heart, strips away attachment and aversion. In gratitude, we simply notice and rest in the beauty of the here and now. What could be more seasonal than that? Make it a daily practice to write what you are grateful for (and why) and notice how it opens your heart. We recently released this Gratitude Meditation — enjoy!
If this all feels smushy and mushy and not relevant to your difficult circumstances and your difficult relatives, know that in some Tibetan traditions, the practice of deepening to love is known as spiritual warriorship. It is not weak to face difficult people or situations with love, it takes great strength. Strength you can find and build through practice.