Living wisely is the art of learning how you will wish to have lived. A kind of resolution in reverse. Maria Popova
We know that most resolutions fail by February and yet, we continue to make them. We buy fancy planners and make lists and say to ourselves, “this year will be different, I definitely will do (or not do) x, y or z.”
Turns out it’s really not the resolution or goal that matters but how we approach making change.
Pema Chodron points out that most any change we wish to make is a form of aggression against ourselves. What she means is that we are already perfect. We just need to understand how to open ourselves up to living without fear and to being in love with life as it presents itself to us.
Life is not fair nor is it easy. But it is ours to live. To directly face our own circumstances with an openness, to allow life to just be and then to proceed from that place, that is the real beginning of a commitment to living in happiness and peace.
The practice of meditation is an exercise in accepting the present moment over and over again. Our work on the cushion then extends to our daily life – so that we can directly observe what is happening for us now and we can act in accordance with our moral compass.
Following upon that act of noticing and acceptance is the necessary added component of compassion – for yourself and for all of the rest of us inhabiting this great spinning, blue world.
Take a moment right now to reflect kindly on yourself. Love your hands as they move, love your eyes as they gaze around, love your ears as they attune to the sounds around you. Love your breath filling your chest and nourishing your cells. Love your body and your heart and your mind. Feel how that simple act of dropping the critical thinking and of resting in settled kindness towards yourself, creates a sense of largeness and grace.
Any meaningful change you make will stem from this two-pronged approach – awareness and compassion.
Go ahead and repeat your resolutions and ask yourself what is behind them? Are you, at base, dissatisfied with your life, with yourself? Get on that. Be wide eyed and new as the new year unfolds. How might you be kinder and more open?
One of our favorite introductory exercises that we do with students and clients is a retrospective letter: You are 90 years old. You have lived a long and beautiful life. Describe it in as full detail as you wish.
Many people find that what they describe is not what they are living. Is that you? There’s no time like the present to face life directly and make loving choices.