Judging a situation, a person… can serve us well and has done since the beginning of humankind. Knowing that a tiger is dangerous and a dog is (likely) kind kept us alive. And there continue to be moments when we need to be able to quickly judge, make a call and act.
But pay attention to your inner monologue and you might be surprised at the judgmental thinking…it can take the form of self-criticism (i look silly/fat/tired/insert word of choice) or criticism of others (it makes me nuts when she does x/y/z) or (she looks skinnier/tired/plumper). No matter the words, the point is that in judging we are actually separating ourselves from the other and from the truth of ourselves.
And in separating we are building walls, real or imagined. Leaving politics aside, creating separation rather than understanding and openness to another’s experience and expression leaves us lonely and retracted.
But by working on awareness of our critical thinking, we can drop the judgment. Here’s a very concrete example of how judging something can actually make it worse.
Next time you feel pain (emotional or physical), note what happens when you wish it wasn’t there; wasn’t happening. You actually make the pain worse AND you create a whole other narrative about your pain.
Instead, you might try noting your sensations and thoughts without actually judging the experience. Knee pain might be “throbbing” or “burning” instead of “my knee is killing me, I wish it would just stop. I’m so tired of this,” etc… You might notice with the first approach that the sensations are not actually one long continuous experience of pain; in fact you might note that the sensations change and morph and even lessen.
Same with anger. if you really observe “anger” you will see that it is actually almost impossible to be truly angry for more than a few brief moments. The emotion moves and flows, becomes hurt, fear, sadness, want.
Life is complicated! Let it in without judging (or in fact pre-judging) your experience and see how full your moments are. How they aren’t what you think. Can this new perspective open you up to more?