By Eliza Wing
It’s the season of letting go. The days are getting shorter and cooler. The leaves are turning. Soon, they will fall -- the trees readying themselves for another winter.
We, too, can use this time to release ourselves from things that no longer serve us. But we can and should take care in this. We should not be too quick to drop what we identify as troubling or unnecessary.
Before a tree releases its leaves, it takes in the nutrients, especially chlorophyll. This is why trees lose their green (chlorophyll) color and change colors. The tree pulls in what it needs before letting go. The process of leaves falling to the ground follows an active intake of what is good, important and needed. Only then does the tree perform an abscission (cutting) of the leaf, releasing it to the ground where it can provide nutrients in the spring.
The trees are not submitting in passivity. Think about it. Despite our impression of the wind rushing through waving branches and ripping the leaves away, that same wind pounded your maple tree in August during that crazy thunderstorm. How many leaves were lost then?
In our case, we shouldn’t assume that just because a thought dances around darkly in the back of our mind that we should immediately reject it.
So, how do we go about letting go in a way that is healthy, useful and lasting?
No surprise here, it begins with clear seeing. As Pema Chodron puts it in The Wisdom of No Escape:
“If we see our so-called limitations with clarity, precision, gentleness, goodheartedness, and kindness and, having seen them fully, then let go, open further, we begin to find that our world is more vast and more refreshing and fascinating than we had realized before. In other words, the key to feeling more whole and less shut off and shut down is to be able to see clearly who we are and what we’re doing.”
We can get a strong taste of arising thoughts (maybe the sort we want to eventually let go of) by just sitting quietly and stilling the mind. Close your eyes and just marvel at all that comes up! Stay quiet and gentle with yourself. Imagine if someone told you that there was a rare wild animal who came out to drink at a nearby stream and that if you just sat still and waited, it would show itself. Chances are, you would find a good rock to perch on and sit quietly waiting for the wonderful beast to emerge. You can have this same approach with your thoughts. Sit still. Watch. Wait.
When the thoughts emerge at first, it’s more like a herd of gazelles trampling the grass – almost impossible to sort one from the other. But after some time and practice, you can notice one thought and then another. After a time, you can even notice that a thought arises and passes. You may notice that the kinder and gentler your attention is, the sooner the thought moves on.
Meanwhile, you recognize that there are some thoughts that are probably not the healthiest or most productive. These are the ones you are probably thinking about letting go of. The impulse is to push them away, tamp them down. Not so fast!
In general, a thought that we want to let go of, comes with accompanying emotions and it is usually the emotion that provides the signal to us that we might want to drop this way of thinking.
When I find myself caught up in emotions, strong emotions, invariably, there is a pattern of thinking that pre-dated those emotions. The thoughts may arise from a past experience and if the emotions are very strong, it is almost impossible to separate the feelings from the thoughts. In fact, it feels in the moment like a terrible murky torrent, a fast-moving storm. Too much swirling about to understand.
Get used to finding the source. You can avoid a lot of pain by observing thoughts as they arise – when they might not be so loaded. And, when you are in observation mode, a little dispassionate about the whole thing, curious, in fact, you can see that there might be some value in keeping aspects of your thoughts.
Practice this guided meditation: Letting Go with Love and Awareness
Consider this example. My grown children live nearby and we enjoy each other’s company. I would love to see them more but recognize that they are leading busy, happy lives. So, when I think about wanting to see them, I rest in the energy of loving them and appreciating them. When the thinking starts to head down a generally unhelpful narrative (they don’t enjoy spending time with me as much as I like to be with them, they don’t appreciate the incredible great luck of being in close proximity, etc) I can choose to stay with the love and appreciation. I can keep what is nourishing for me and my relationship with them and let the rest fall away.
Transitions (seasons) are always good times to take stock. Difficult thoughts are almost always opportunities to take a quiet and closer look. Wait, watch. See the beauty in your observation. Take note and let the rare, wild thing emerge, take its quiet drink and then move on.